Thirst of the Heart

preoccupied

2012-01-22T00:00:00.001-05:00

Lately, my thoughts are scattered

Lately, my throat is dry

Lately, I have been preoccupied.

As I tried to study, I noticed I had absentmindedly written a name on my coffee sleeve. How numbing is ~~pain~~ love.

adoption

2012-01-21T23:46:00.001-05:00

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still, miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
That you didn't grow under my heart,
But in it. - Carolyn Wise

Couldn't be more perfect....

heavyhearted

2012-01-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

He holds my heart in his hands.
And He holds his heart in His hands.

2012

2012-01-01T00:43:00.002-05:00

Bismillah

epiphany

2011-11-09T15:46:00.000-05:00

my love is big
but my heart is weak

Goodbye Dennie

2011-10-21T17:44:00.003-04:00

You were a beautiful soul...

I worry about your sweet husband

May Allah (swt) make it easy.

Amin.

25 Aphorisms from a 25 year old

2011-10-06T20:33:00.000-04:00

1) Give up Soda (especially diet) --> it's death

2) Leave facebook --> You're not keeping in touch with people, you are keeping tabs on them. The people who truly love and are important in your life will always be in your life, even without facebook.

3) Never take the elevator or the escalator when you can easily take the stairs --> God gave you legs, use them!

4) Never go to bed angry at your loved one --> You're not gonna sleep anyways, so might as well resolve it and get a good night's rest.

5) EXERCISE --> Your body is the greatest miracle you'll ever know. Be kind to it.

6) Find a new passion every now and then --> You'll never be bored and you'll constantly be amazed at your abilities

7) Be kind to your siblings and keep them close --> After your friends have abandoned you, only your brother or sister (or both, if you're blessed), will be your comfort and your direction.

8) Keep 5 lifelong friends --> Not 50.

9) Give your parents a hug and a kiss everyday --> I did that everyday until now... I just don't see them as much. And maybe because I've lost the innocence of a child.

10) Laugh --> There is humor in EVERYTHING.

11) Cry --> It will purify your heart.

12) Reflect --> I have this lame blog. You don't need one, you could do it on your way to work

13) Watch the sunset (or rise, if you're not lazy like me) --> It will make you cry

14) Turn the AC off --> And roll your windows down. There is nothing like driving at night, and feeling the breeze.

15) Be kind --> Everyone is going thru something.

16) Guard your heart --> This is tough, so good luck.

17) Make your bed everyday --> I sleep on the floor so my bed is always made :)

18) If something doesn't make sense now, don't complain --> God has a plan. That's why hindsight is always 20/20

19) Be humble --> You don't know shit. Stop acting like you do.

20) Curse every now and then. --> But be very mindful of it. The tongue reflects the heart.

21) Love everyone --> We are all in this together

22) Hate no one --> It takes so much energy, and you're already so lazy... why waste it on someone?

23) Forgive others -> Leave it to God to decide

24) Forgive yourself --> This is tough, so good luck

25). "If you're still single, Allah is saving someone special for you." -- borrowed from Amarra who got it from tumblr.

Turned 25 the other day. I wrote this all under 15 minutes. Just a stream of consciousness. May Allah forgive me for my many shortcomings. And please forgive me, if I've hurt you.. jazakAllah Khair.

I used to collects quotes. 2006

inspired by today's kutbah

2011-10-01T02:15:00.002-04:00

NY TIMES opinion section 9.26.11

Floods. Dengue Fever. Earthquakes "Terrorism." Corruption. Poverty. Pakistan was where I spent my childhood. Eating jamin from the jamin tree, flying kites, taking walks with my grandfather. I can still smell the jasmines my grandmother grew in her garden. Despite its apparent ugliness, there still remains hope for this country and it's people. And only those who have happy, carefree memories invested in this strange yet vigilant land can only understand.

I'm not a nationalist.

thank you very mocha

2011-09-28T20:56:00.002-04:00

It's 8:15p, and I know I only have 15min before the coffee shop is closed at the hospital. When I reach the counter, the coffee shop crew is clearly cleaning up and calling it a night. I order my usual. I wait. He hands me my coffee. There is no lid. Last minute negligence! But instantly I see the delicate floral design swimming atop my drink. I've been at this place dozens during normal hours, but no one ever took the time to add that subtle detail. It truly made me happy. "Thank you." My gratitude is noted. He hands me the lid.

Human kindness. You just gotta believe in it, and you will see it everywhere <3.

Brew Haha Crew Art

one way

2011-09-18T13:04:00.008-04:00

When I was in Makkah, the world made started to make perfect sense. There were times

when I did tawaf, and I was completely silent. I had nothing to ask for. Just forgiveness and mercy. The best time for tawaf was before fajr, of course. And then the rising sun would join us. There was incredible peace even with the inevitable pushing and shoving. I didn't mind it at all. It actually made it easy, I barely had to move my feet, the momentum of the worshipers drove the revolutions.

And the energy I had! We only ate two meals a day. One after fajr. The other late at night after isha'a. Breakfast was always scrambled eggs, lentils, olives, cheese, and black tea. But it always tasted so satisfying and wholesome. Dinner was something my dad wanted, usually a Pakistani traditional dish. I stopped taking the elevators, because I realized it was faster and more efficient to go up 6 flights of stairs than to wait for the elevator, even after a day's worth of ibadah under the Arabian sun. We would sleep at around 10pm and then get up a 2 am. I never needed an alarm clock, and I never hesitated to jump out of bed. I was high on life and so utterly happy. I became a tawaf-junkie. My father stopped chaperoning me for tawaf the first night at Makkah. "You do what you want, I need some rest."

I watched the birds. I chased the pigeons. I talked or attempted to talk to sisters from Algeria, Egypt, Turkey and Malaysia. I listened to the hum of distant Qur'an recitations. I took naps on the vast carpets. I was alone and loved it. Even with one million? other people.

And here I am, I've lost that security of peace. I knew it wouldn't last.

It was my Makkan-high, but I am grateful I experienced it. It's my place of peace, when nothing makes sense... It's my escape and my hope that one day things will make sense..

But one thing Makkah never had and never will is trees...and the season of Autumn. It's my favorite time of the year...and I am grateful.

Goodbye

2011-09-16T20:02:00.001-04:00

One of these days, when I no longer feel a need nor the desire to write/share my thoughts (publicly) I will also delete this blog. Until then...

Plato

2011-09-05T22:08:00.002-04:00

On the 4th day of Shawaal, we were coming from the hospital and had stopped at a small masjid to pray Maghrib. At the women's section there was a plate of dates and some waters bottles for those fasting. I was surprised and comforted by the masjid's kindness and thoughtfulness. My masjid probably wouldn't have this, I thought. I quickly broke my fast, and joined my mom and two other women for salah. Moments before we started the prayer, I glanced over my right shoulder and saw a women crying, her black mascara running with her bold tears. What battle she was fighting? And then the prayer started momentarily after, and as the imam recited the words with beauty and conviction, I could hear the sister softly reciting those same words with pain and pauses for air. I finished, made my du'a and included her. And when I left, I wished I had given her a hug... I did get a chance, but I just couldn't do it. I guess I'm not at that level of maturity (or is it compassion?) where I am compelled to comfort strangers as my heart wants to.

In the car, my mom noticed what I had noticed, and she, too, wondered and wished.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

my sister's battle

For some rhyme or reason, I was really touched by Shaykh Mohammed's Eid Message

2011-09-03T00:28:00.001-04:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
الحمد لله تعالى والصلاة والسلام على خير خلقه وآله وصحبه تتوالى
أما بعد، السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I would like to say to everyone of you; my friends, my students, and all of the active brothers and sisters in the field of da'wa: Eid Mubarak.

Although the blessed month of Ramadan has swiftly left us; but the Infinite Mercy of Allah and His Unbound forgiveness will be with us whenever we seek them. We should remember that Allah is the Lord of every month and every day; and in as much as we were keen to get closer to Him in Ramadhan, we should be keen on that after it.

I hope that we all have attained the best spiritual benefits of Ramadhan, not only reaping the best rewards for the various acts of worship, but having strengthened our iman and yaqin, and increased our taqwa and istiqamah.

I would like to congratulate you on this Eid and convey my sincerest du'a to you, that Allah Almighty, out of His Bounty, make it a blessed occasion of joy and happiness for you all, in all matters of your deen and dunia.

Whilst you all celebrate this blessed day of Eid, remember your brothers and sisters in the blessed land of Syria; as they are rising up against the most ruthless regime in the world today; a regime which has bombed mosques, killed and mutilated men, women and children. So, do not forget your Syrian brothers in your du'a.

With my salaam and du'a
Servant of the Seekers of Knowledge
Muhammad Abul Huda Al-Yaqoubi

June 14, 2003

2011-08-21T14:15:00.002-04:00

Years ago, I was in the newspaper for some award. Well, I decided to make some real art out of it. The best quote on it was from my high school art teacher: "..she does not have to decide between two careers. Art will definitely play a big role in her life." - Richard Miller.

Well said, Mr. Miller.

I love trees, and this is me.

"Middletown Teen Honored as Artist"

cranial nerves

2011-07-27T23:06:00.000-04:00

Dr. E's emphasis on the big picture

Thomas Jefferson/Arcadia - Clinical Anatomy Class 2011

Sometimes, when you study such finite and detailed intricacies, you forget the grand picture. How even the most detailed speck is even a smaller speck in the grand picture. How everything is relative....Probably doesn't make sense, but when Dr. E showed that ppt slide, a light bulb went off...and it was all put in perspective for that brief moment.

And that doesn't happen too often.

Makkah and Madinah

2011-07-04T17:08:00.000-04:00

Ramadan will be here soon insha'Allah. I am very exicited and even a little tense... I need it.

I never reflected on my umrah in words. I don't think its possible. I cannot articulate my emotions and the tranquility I felt in words... But I do miss it so.

A few months after ummrah, I was walking in Walmart, well, more like lost in Walmart. I was trying to find the soft drinks aisle or maybe it was the cereal aisle, and as I walked I closed my eyes and was reminded of the the daily tahajudd walks. I heard the shuffling of feet and the echos, I felt a breeze, I saw hundreds of worshippers shrouded in the early morning-darkness as they walked to the Kabba... And then I found my aisle.

Ummrah was probably the happiest and most carefree moment in my life thus far...

I am dumbfounded, I dunno what to write... I left my heart in Makkah.

a girl's best mahrum - her father :)

Dear Mr. Cadaver

2011-06-18T18:19:00.002-04:00

Dear Mr. Cadaver,

I apologize but I do not know your name. Nor do I know your story. Or even what you died from.They don't tell us these things. I only know that I am truly honored to able to learn the intricacies of the human body by the sacrifice you made by not having a proper burial.

When I first entered the dissection room, the smell of formaldehyde? quickly overtook me. I was expecting that. But when, I saw dozens of bodies covered with white cloth, it was very surreal and I became somewhat emotional. I quickly gloved up, tied my plastic apron and walked to you, table#6. You were in the prone position, so I could not directly see your face. But I still wanted a look, and peaked under, and there you were with your eyes open... Instantly, my thoughts were like the formaldehyde that ambushed my senses, and I wondered about your soul.... In Islam, we believe a body should be buried very quickly after death. And here you were... lying there... still very pink...your body was only to be desecrated further.

I still worry/ponder about these thoughts, but honestly, I've become so accustomed to you now. And sometimes, I forget you were and still are a real person. We've skinned your back. We think you died of heart attack, because of your age and also because of the layers and pounds of fat we removed from your body. We are very respectful to your body still, but we forget the sacrifice you made. And this is why I write to you.

brachial plexus flashcard

When we dissected your arm and forearm, I was completely astonished at the complexity specifically the brachial plexus. I never knew or even imaged the armpit to be so complicated! We spend hours tracing the nerves and arteries from your armpit to your hands. And when I held your hand so I could dissect it, you once again became very real to me. I dunno there is something about finger nails, it makes a person seem so alive.... The hands are also so very complicated.

Monday you will be on your back, so we can work on your abdomen. It takes 3 men and a few women to rotate you.We feel terrible about how it's done, but we gotta do it. And soon enough as we dissect you further, you will be completely unrecognizable.

I've spent 24 hours with your already, and still did not do well on my first exam. I know I failed it. By how much will determine whether I will be allowed to continue with this program. Yea, I'm pretty much terrified. I'll be spending even MORE time with you just so I can pass...

And that is why I felt the need to thank you. You should not be desecrated without acknowledging your sacrifice and your importance to students of medicine. Pictures do not do the body justice.

May Allah have mercy on your soul.

With respect and gratitude,
A thankful student.

cupcakes for saadia

2011-05-07T00:32:00.001-04:00

Papa Cupcake, Mama Cupcake, Baby Cupcake ( zeeshan + saadia) (baby is unnamed)

Because she loves to make bake, especially cupcakes... People have given her customized cookie jars, cupcake decorating equipment, cupcake cookbooks, so why not some wholesome cupcake ART?

Funny, how I barely know her... But Allah has put a lot of love in my heart for her. And she deserves all the joy and happiness of being a mom. May Allah give her all the happiness I would want for myself. Amin

Would look a lot better if I pulled out my SLR!

The great Qulb

2011-03-09T22:29:00.001-05:00

Will beat 102,778 times, pump 1,507 gallons of blood, and push that blood nearly 9,956 miles throughout my body!

Created by MyFitnessPal.com

trying to finish my taxes and fafsa, but i'm dreaming of spring....

2011-02-21T20:33:00.000-05:00

newseum

2011-02-13T20:57:00.000-05:00

Berlin Wall: West Germany

Berlin Wall: East Germany

SI Photographer Walter Looss

Awesome photo journal of photographer

"You cannot hope to enjoy the harvest without first laboring in the fields" - John Wayne Gacy ( self portrait of serial killer sent to an FBI agent)

Writings by a New Orleans Native after Hurricane Katrina

View of the Capitol from 6th level

History of Penn Ave

Elvis Exhibit

911 wreckage

Global Headlines covering 911

Journalists killed in action

I love this picture

Well said

Pulitzer Prize Photography

Thoroughly loved this museum without a thorough visit. If you're in the DC, put this on top of museums to visit list.

Email

2011-02-08T21:56:00.002-05:00

Wa alaykum aslaam Sara,

How did you find me? :) I'm actually not known at all, but I'm ok with that, and sometimes I enjoy the anonymity. That's great, you've taken an interest in art. When you feel this kind of passion, my advice is to run with it, and just create art, whatever it is--literal or visual. And I think that is the basis of genuine art, art that is "interesting" and innovative. You might not know what you're doing, but you'll make a product in the end, and I'll guarantee you, it will be fun.

Yes, I am an "art drop out". It sounds really funny when said out loud. I put that on my website to inform viewers that I have no formal training in art. And with all due respect to graduates of art schools, I do not believe one needs to go to school to learn how to make fine art. And that is why I dropped out. Now, don't get me wrong, if you want to be a graphic designer, a sculptor, etc, formal training is required and necessary to learn how to master the tools. But to me, art is product of human emotion and experience. And no one can teach you how to feel... . Now, that doesn't mean studying how to make art is futile, I just think its unnecessary and in fact quite expensive.

Like I said, I am not well known at all. Yes, I sell my artwork, but I cannot make a living off of it. A lot has to do with a lack of demand and time I put into it. I have made art public through the internet. I would recommend you to create your art and showcase it to the community through various mediums. The first step is to make a portfolio of artwork. Then, you should start displaying the work. Start with the easiest way, the internet. Put your work online and make it viral by using facebook and other social media. Second, go to your community. You can show your work at local community events or bigger ones like ISNA or ICNA. If your community, does not hold such kind of events, start your own! Your community will appreciate innovative and creative idea from it's youth. Third, never get discouraged. Fourth, don't wait for or expect fame. Art thrives on the ingenuity of it's creator and an audience will surely follow. Most important of all, always remember: Success comes from Allah. And all credit belongs to Allah, only the mistakes are ours.

If you want your risq to come solely from art, be aware that it's difficult but not impossible. It's a lot of hard work and takes time. If you choose to become a graphic designer or a photographer, as opposed to a painter, you will find it is easier to make a living from this art because you are also providing a service and fulfilling a need. It's funny, I'm a little bit of everything. And yes, I am a health professional ( a registered dietitian) by profession. I, too, had great difficulty in college trying to find my place, but alhamdullilah I've found peace in what I do. Although I wish I had more time to create artwork, but my day job inspires me ideas which, to me, is necessary to create awesome art.

So in the end, I think you should just go with your heart and leave the rest to Allah :) May Allah direct you in the right path. Amin. :)

You can always contact me if you have any more questions,
Anum

pardon me for this will be a stream of consciousness

2011-01-28T00:36:00.004-05:00

my office

the mural I painted for the rec room

.....it was nice..hearing my coworkers coming in from home thru my closed office doors as i dressed for work...prayed fajr, love having a sink in my showbox..my commute was 5 feet rather than 50 miles...i really love my coworkers..kind of a loser i guess, but they are like family, i will miss them...and all our good times and bad times...we laugh and sigh as we remember the people we took care of, the ones that died, the ones that will outlive us..

How to be Alone

2010-12-27T21:32:00.000-05:00

"Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it."

"If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament."

had to make more due to popular demand

2010-12-25T13:09:00.000-05:00

Pen Bouquet

2010-12-21T22:11:00.001-05:00

With all the disadvantages and drawbacks of the obsolete method of paper charting in a medical facility, the one that is the most irksome is: losing pens. I typically lose at least 7 in week despite all my efforts. It might get lost in charts, misplaced in patients' rooms, or a fellow colleague may have "borrowed" the pen in a desperate measure to compensate their loss. "Who took/stole my pen?!" is uttered by all departments everyday and every hour. Professionals have accused their esteemed colleagues of theft and lies in a futile 30 second search to recover the lost instrument. It's all in good humor, of course... But if we are all collectively losing pens, then how come we are also not finding pens? Any pens? Shouldn't the deficit cancel out?

This conundrum is also inspiring: I've created pen bouquets as holiday gifts for a few colleagues that I've "borrowed/stolen" pens from over the last 17 months.

It's not a solution to this mystery, but perhaps the delicate silk will serve as tracking device as it provides comfort to the weary hand.

Terra-cotta, glass pebbles, silk flowers, pens, flowering tape

Philadelphia

2010-12-12T21:27:00.004-05:00


iPhone & the City

I never understood how it was possible to love the life of a busy, fast-paced and merciless city and the bucolic and empty vastness of the country or mountain-side without being contradictory or hypocritical?

Perhaps it's because I view the City as a giant social experiment? And the Buildings are my man-made mountains and the People are cattle grazing on fields of ambition and greed. It's incredibly entertaining and amusing to wander into the meandering streets without a purpose and to view life as it is... Perhaps a timely comment I heard of one city on NPR en route home appropriately sums all cities: "NYC is the world's biggest, free museum."

Philadelphia truly is the city of brotherly love. I'm always greeted with warmth in these streets, and I'm especially astonished by the behavior of the homeless. In most occasions and circumstances, I witness them in jovial and carefree spirits even on a cold December Day. It's difficult to believe such attitudes are manifested in a life of squalor, uncertainty, destitution... Which can also unequivocally translated to: a life of faith, adventure, freedom, and freedom from worldly possessions.... Perhaps this is the charm of the vagabond persuasion.

As much as I Love cities ( I don't like LA), I dream of big skies, mountains, fresh air, and never ending beauty. I dream of Montana, Wyoming, Arizona, Colorado...ALASKA. In due time. Insha'Allah.

Revisting Mr. S

2010-12-09T02:18:00.002-05:00

Crossroads: Image from my
daily commute

I had called for a meeting to discuss Mr. S's code status with his wife and the rest of the team. Right when she walked in, I detected moisture around her eyes. But it was difficult to tell if she had been crying. She's a strong and well-composed women. We all knew what needed to be done. It's just about finally allowing the tongue to spew the words trapped in the heart.

Mr. S is still not eating. . No artificial nutrition. The drugs are not helping. "What would he want?"

Mrs. S is also a realistic woman. And brave. That morning she was taking the first step of a long journey of "letting go..." And now she was crying right infront of me.

"You are such an amazing wife." She nodded as she wiped her brown eyes. I rubbed her back. I learned this technique from observing my nurse coworkers. Sometimes a hug is just plain awkward when the subject of discussion is painful.... A back rub is a good compromise...but it always seems fake.

I need my own technique.

I didn't want to write about Mr. S. again or anything else work related for that matter.. But my two worlds always clash...and then you ask what is art? And what is life?
....

"Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life" - Oscar Wilde

I knew never being a Khala could bring so much

2010-10-31T22:29:00.000-04:00

Joy

another day another dollar

2010-10-18T22:34:00.001-04:00

Today my (non-Muslim) coworker told me she had something for me. I went to her office and she handed me three beautiful, soft "hijaabs" she had stumbled across at the Walgreens. I was dumbfounded. They were so beautiful, soft, and just the colors I would wear. "I saw reds, but I knew that would be too flashy for you."

Right on.

She even handed me a receipt if I'd want to change colors...

What a beautiful heart, masha'Allah. It makes me a little sad, you know.

around the bend

2010-10-17T20:56:00.002-04:00

I had failed to get reservations to a late-night event in Philadelphia. We had 5 hours to kill before the next viewing. And so we walked, down the street, and around the bend and discovered the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I had been there before during night and day. But this time the experience was quite magical. The museum was deserted. We raced to the top of the steps and after we caught our breath we turned around and marveled at the view of the City. It looked so perfect: calm, serene and beautiful. The night was cool and the moon and the wind greeted us. SubhanAllah.

View of Philadelphia from atop of the Steps

Philadelphia Museum of Art

rain

2010-10-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

Why does time always seems a little slower when it rains? subhanAllah.

with the birds I'll share this lonely view and..

2010-10-07T22:40:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you see things and over look them, and then sometimes you see the same exact things but somehow by the grace of Allah you are touched...

Many times I am called into a patient's room because his or her oral intake has significantly reduced after admission. And today's summoning was not out of the ordinary.

Flowers from a patient's room. Pic taken with permission.

I was surprised to learn this particular patient's appetite has decreased. It is very common for people on dialysis to have poor intake due to the nature of the illness and the strain on the body. But not Mr. S., he ate everything in sight. His wife was feeding him as I interviewed them both. Her husband appeared to more confused than usual. And I thought...what is this man's usual? He is blind, he has dementia, he's a diabetic, he's on dialysis, he is bed ridden, he is only in his 60s. And I felt immense pain and love for his wife... And for the wives I've witnessed taking care of their husbands so loyally and lovingly day after day. How they spend their entire day by their side feeding them, toileting them, talking to them, discussing their progress or lack of progess with the healthcare team, and most of all praying for them... How it must pain them to see their spouse in such a fragile state. How they must leave and go home to an empty house and an empty bed. There are three particular wives that I hope I never forget as I move in life. And Mrs. S. is one of them.

Perhaps this is true love.

The Perfect Patient

2010-09-21T00:37:00.001-04:00

Today I met the most gracious patient.

He smiled when I entered, laughed at my lame jokes, complemented all of the staff, denied any complaints, and asked for me to visit him again.

He has Stage IV cancer undergoing chemo and radiation.

And I smiled back leaving a little more humble.

A seed trapped in a spider's web discovered in a creek beside my street

Hubb

2010-09-19T18:37:00.000-04:00

ink + sharpie on paper
Completed 2006

"Be it with a stone, God or anyone else,

There comes not tranquility without loving

The heart is the ocean of love; love is its act,

Guard it a thousand ways; it will still fall in love"

Taken from Love for Allah by Shaykh Zulfiqar Ahmad

riots

2010-08-29T16:32:00.000-04:00


Sunday's News Journal + charcoal + water colors

Umbrellas, With Love

2010-08-29T02:12:00.000-04:00


Sunday's News Journal + pen + oil and charcoal pastel

Enough said

Inspired by Boston.com's "Big Picture"

Ground 0 and Prayer

2010-08-28T21:02:00.000-04:00

Saturday's News Journal Opinion + charcoal + white out

I don't like to argue, and I definitely don't like politics. In the end, Mr. MacLachlan of Wilmington, Delaware sums it very well.

growth [plate]

2010-07-31T10:27:00.013-04:00

Sharpie + water

Today I slipped into my bag, a small pack of "help yourself" crayons from the waiting room of the Children's Hospital. I smiled and thought of the elderly patient at work who colored in coloring books. I couldn't wait to hand this to him Monday morning.

And I smiled again at the realization of remembering my patients in the most mundane acts.

And so I discuss my day job. Actually, my day job is really not just a job. It's a career. A career that tremendously influences and affects not only the art but also the artist (i hate that word). I had studied art in school for just a semester and left it because I "missed books." These are the exact words I used to justify yet another forfeit.

I told myself, go and "learn," and as a friend wrote in my yearbook: "'never stop painting.'" So I became what I am today. It's been good for my soul and for my spiritual, intellectual and social growth. Spiritually, I've seen life and death and all in between. It's has affected in ways I cannot transcribe into words... I've come to appreciate and be thankful of blessings even the those that are on their way... It's taught me lessons of love and letting go. It's helped me peceive that death can be a blessing, and that it is the only guarantee in life. Intellectually, I feel more knowledgeable and confident to make decisions for whomever is under my care. And socially, I'm in love with the world. Sometimes family members and patients will break down in front of you and spill their most intimate thoughts, fears, and hopes. At first I felt inadequate to help the person in front of me because of my age and limited life experiences. Afterwards, I quickly learned people do not necessarily want answers or miracles, they just need a moment to shift their burdens so they are able to breath without the suffocating weight...

I cannot say I love what I do. But I can wholeheartedly say I love what I am doing. And all these emotions and experiences fuel the fire to create artwork. I don't think I would have anything to paint if I didnt have this struggle for my artwork is a product of my emotions.

I was in the Children's Hosptial because I was to shadow health professionals in Orthopedics. And don't you know, I loved it?

And everything is from Allah.

color

2010-07-14T23:16:00.003-04:00

Color = Rods, Cones, Rhodopsin, Retinal, Vitamin A. It is the miracle of color. Stop, inhale, and open your eyes to wonder.

priorities

2010-06-28T02:40:00.001-04:00

It's almost 3 AM, I have to leave for work in less than 5 hours. I have an exam on Tuesday, which I have barely studied. And here I am on my computer working without any breaks...or regrets. I guess that's blessing of doing what you love and getting lost in it. I hope someday my risq can involve creativity. I would probably become a work-a-holic when that day arrives. One of these days, (nights) I'll write about my "day job."

Until then, I'm gonna mess around in DW.

Qalb

2010-06-22T22:56:00.000-04:00

It's gorgeous ain't it? Rough Sketch from my summer class: A&P II

Poetic Vision Tour Album Cover

2010-06-21T20:53:00.000-04:00

My first album design.

I completed this in exactly one night to meet the deadline of my client. Yes, I'm a glorious-last-minute-warrior. I had so much fun making this-combining traditional and digital media-a perfect marriage. I hope to continue making albums for PVT! Alhamdullilah.

Self-Portrait

2010-06-20T20:13:00.001-04:00

I was looking at my bookshelf, and I found a clear plastic folder filled with old Urdu and English newspapers-some dating back from 1986 (I'll save this for another post) and this one from post 911. I had no clear reason to save them other than me telling myself I will use these pages in the future. Nine years later, I decided to make a self-portait. I remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, when I heard the news. Like many Americans, we too were distraught, fearful...

This is a meaningful piece to me as it might be to you. God Bless.

6 steps to inner peace from Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam lecture at RIS

2010-05-31T00:02:00.000-04:00

Hadith: Laisal ghinna an kathratil arad wa la kinnal ghinna ghinnan nafs (Richness is not to have an abundance of what you want, but rather richness is inner contentment of the heart.)

6 Steps to Gain Inner Peace/Contentment:

1) Look at who is lower than you not the ones above you, if you do that you'll never be ungrateful for the bounties of Allah upon you (hadith)

hadith: if you come upon someone who is blessed with more than you in wealth and health, immediately look at people below you

2) Remove love of dunya from our hearts.

hadith: Hubbud duniya ra'su kulli khateea (love of dunya is the root of every sin)

3) Don't have any expectations from the creation of Allah.

Even when being good to family, you do it for the sake of Allah, not for people to be good to you in return. Expect nothing from anyone.

4) Constantly remember death.

If you remember how short life is after which there is eternity, no amount of tribulation in this world will bother you.

Hadith: kun fid dunya ka annaka ghareebun aw aabirus sabeel (be in this world as if you are a stranger or traveller).

5) Recite the book of Allah everyday (especially in the morning)

6) Be optimistic and try to smile as much as possible.

Notes collected by a family member.

The Love of a Mother

2010-05-29T17:57:00.002-04:00

Is Selfless and Pure. A mother's love is peace.

Family Tree

2010-05-22T00:08:00.005-04:00

A wooden piece under 7 square small canvases.

A gift I made for Shaykh Hamza and his family. I was very nervous to present this to him and the first few encounters were fruitless. The man is just too buy and people constantly hover around him. When I was given the chance, I had a change of heart. I still have it in wrapped in it's original a gift bag with a signed note.

It just wasn't meant to be.

One day I will change the names of this tree. And at this time, I do not know what those names will be. I'll be patient. :)

Nikkah

2010-05-18T23:52:00.009-04:00

A child busy rearranging the flower petals from the Masjid's fountain.

My first (and hopefully not my last) trip to Masjid Al-Farooq for a most blessed occasion. It's truly the most beautiful masjid I've set foot in the U.S. I wanted to capture more of the intricate and ordain architecture, but I wasn't able to.

I was; however, able to capture something that's even more important. I've come to truly realize--physically and emotionally that even the most basic things we demand and desire for ourselves should never be thought of as "basic" Getting a job, getting married, having children are all on everyone's "to-do" list and we expect that eventually we'll reach that phase in our lives because we tell ourselves it's a basic need. In reality, it's a tremendous blessing from Allah. As is being able to breath, being able to swallow food, being able to wiggle your toes, being able to sense your toes...and so on. My epiphany seems very self-evident, and of course I knew of my blessings and the blessings of others...but's it's another thing to be actually sense them and feel the tremendous bounty from your heart, to your shoulders, and into your eyes.

Allah is so gracious.

Amish Country. Lancaster, PA

2010-05-11T21:20:00.011-04:00

I wasn't not able to pray side by side with my fellow friends of faith, but I was able to pray Dhur on an empty country field... in solitude. And that was probably a better spiritual experience. The earth was warm and the wind was powerful yet gentle. Visiting Lancaster was a surreal and peaceful experience. Balance is a difficult concept to understand and obtain. But so is simplicity. The inhabitants of this town are hardworking, friendly and beautiful. And surprising the fresh smell of horse manure makes me want to inhale longer. I don't understand it either :)

Serenity & Spirituality

2010-04-26T00:18:00.005-04:00

The most sincere prayers are those in which our senses our drenched with the oneness of God.

I wish we all prayed together outside more often. Picture from LMOP Season IV

Painting my Nephew's Room

2010-04-11T12:52:00.012-04:00

May Allah preserve his smiles, his laughter, his innocence, his nur. Amin.

From my student

2010-03-11T23:16:00.001-05:00

So many ideas...

2010-03-04T18:46:00.001-05:00

...so little hours in the day. Alhamdullilah.

..for wisdom

2010-02-27T12:40:00.004-05:00

A book filled with inspiration, hope, wisdom, and enlightenment

Given to me from a long lost friend..

Crumpled Resume

2010-01-31T22:14:00.002-05:00

...because resumes are pointless and very limiting.

New Look -trying to be more professional

2010-01-25T00:26:00.004-05:00

Ok. I admit: I'm addicted to "Apple Command Key" + "Shift" + "3". :p

http://studiomallick.daportfolio.com/

A Narrative of Statistics

2010-01-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

Mathematics is universal truth.
These stats describe my work and even me so well :)

Burning & Yearning

2009-12-30T22:05:00.002-05:00

Original Photo

Midnight Design

2009-12-14T01:39:00.001-05:00

ISD EID Bazaar 2009

2009-11-23T21:20:00.006-05:00

In Whom Do you Trust?

2009-10-27T09:51:00.004-04:00

I recently joined the Seekers Guidance Outreach Team as a graphic designer :) Alhamdullilah. I've heard great things about this course. Enroll today!

Commission

2009-08-28T22:01:00.003-04:00

A Family Tree

riding the summer sunset

2009-08-06T18:53:00.004-04:00

The Visual Process of Nathan Sawaya

2009-07-30T21:05:00.012-04:00

Lawyer turned artist using Legos as his medium.

This artist and his works evokes memories of hot summer afternoons in Pakistan of me and my sister building our dream houses with bright plastic "bricks." Love it...

I definately approve.

brickartist.com

My favorite :)

DNA ART

2009-07-30T18:56:00.008-04:00

Art inspired by one own's genetic makeup. Who said laboratories are cold, white and sterile? This takes appreciating gel electrophloresis to a whole new level. Talk about "geniune" and "orginal" art. A series of these would make an awesome "Family Tree."

I approve.

DNA11.com

Volunteer Face Painter for United Way of Delaware

2009-07-11T22:45:00.010-04:00

This was my first attempt at face painting. A friend had asked me to help her out with kicking off the Born Learning Trail Campaign sponsored by the United Way of Delaware
It was a beautiful summer day for such a family-fun public event. I enjoyed face painting and so did our little clients.

My fave request was the red car :)
.

Courtesy The New Journal

Courtesy United Way

Official 46th Annual ISNA Convention Bazaar Post

2009-07-11T01:39:00.019-04:00

This was my first exhibiting and selling artwork to such a large
and mixed crowd which is also notoriously known to be unsupportive and unappreciative of the arts.

I had planned to invest in the bazaar a year ago thinking I would have enough time to produce artwork. However, I didn't create anything until a month before the ISNA Convention, and as each day passed I felt regretful for investing $550 in the booth especially since I was unemployed at that time.

Well... July 3rd-July 5th came and went. And, Alhamdullilah, everything went far better than I had ever hoped. I made contacts with organizations such as Islamic Relief, CAIR, MPAC and also everyday people who were interested in future commissions.

Here are a few pictures:

What worked was creating custom artwork on site. I had lots of fun painting for 13 hrs a day (no joke) especially since I'm such a slow (lazy) painter. Speed painting produces a form of adrenaline that I wasn't aware of.

Customers really enjoyed having their names painted in Arabic. This was quick and easy for me as well, and it helped my with my Arabic spelling!

Ok, so did I really do?

I sold 8 paintings that I had already made for the show, and I must have (this is an estimated) painted ~ 18 custom paintings rangings from sizes 5" X 7" to 12" X 24" PHEW!! I not only broke-even, but also made profit! Alhamdullilah. My customers included pregnant moms, newly weds, children, and even college students who wanted to give their friends unique and humorous weddings gifts.

The painting has the young chap's name in Arabic and underneath is written "Bengali Tiger." We tried are best to spell Bengali tiger in Arabic ...was it spelled correctly? Notice the "ra" has tiger spots :)

The best thing about the Bazaar was getting to know my neighbors. My surrounding neighbors and I quickly became a family. We helped each other by providing change/ supplies, watching each other's booths, and exchanging smiles to uplift our weary faces. I became good friends with the 10 y.o daughter of a Islamic clothing vendor from NJ.

So, in conclusion...ISNA was a success, and I couldn't have done it without lots of help from my mom. Alhamdullilah. An acquaintance from ISNA who has quickly became a great friend made the observation that the first painting I sold at the bazaar (also the first paint to be sold in my short art career) was.... BISMILLAH

I pray Allah gives me baraka and guidance in my endeavors and that I don't deviate from the path I want this to take me.

Amin.

2009-07-08T02:01:00.003-04:00