Saturday, July 31, 2010

growth [plate]

                                                                                                    Sharpie + water

Today I slipped into my bag, a small pack of "help yourself" crayons from the waiting room of the Children's Hospital. I smiled and thought of the elderly patient at work who colored in coloring books. I couldn't wait to hand this to him Monday morning.

And I smiled again at the realization of remembering my patients in the most mundane acts.

And so I discuss my day job. Actually, my day job is really not just a job. It's a career. A career that tremendously influences and affects not only the art but also the artist (i hate that word).  I had studied art in school for just a semester and left it because I "missed books."  These are the exact words I used to justify yet another forfeit.

 I told myself, go and "learn," and as a friend wrote in my yearbook: "'never stop painting.'"  So I became what I am today.  It's been good for my soul and for my spiritual, intellectual and social growth.  Spiritually, I've seen life and death and all in between. It's has affected in ways I cannot transcribe into words...  I've come to appreciate and be thankful of blessings even the those that are on their way... It's taught me lessons of love and letting go. It's helped me peceive that death can be a blessing, and that it is the only guarantee in life.  Intellectually, I feel more knowledgeable and confident to make decisions for whomever is under my care. And socially, I'm in love with the world. Sometimes family members and patients will break down in front of you and spill their most intimate thoughts, fears, and hopes.  At first I felt inadequate to help the person in front of me because of my age and limited life experiences.  Afterwards, I quickly learned people do not necessarily want answers or miracles, they just need a moment to shift their burdens so they are able to breath without the suffocating weight...

I cannot say I love what I do. But I can wholeheartedly say I love what I am doing. And all these emotions and experiences fuel the fire to create artwork.  I don't think I would have anything to paint if I didnt have this struggle for my artwork is a product of my emotions.

I was in the Children's Hosptial because I was to shadow health professionals in Orthopedics. And don't you know, I loved it?

And everything is from Allah.

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